Grief is a social contract, says Dr Kelsey Crowe in this second of our two-part special with the professional empathy expert. In a revealing and intimate conversation, Kelsey and Aleks dive into the moment Kelsey realised the griever’s role in a crisis period, and what that means for personal resilience. It’s not what you might think.

It occurred to me that I have to be softer, not tougher. And that I have to notice what is being given me and not focus on what I don’t receive.

It’s by acknowledging the small things and being a person who it’s easy to give to, that allows us to be resilient in the face of loss. Recognizing that we are lovable, and that others want to support us and help us over the obstacles, is what gets us through the tough times.

In our darkest hours, we fail to see what we receive. And the more we fail to see it, the harder we are to please and the more likely people will be to shy away.

Listen to Dr Kelsey Crowe as she explores how the griever is an active participant in building her own resilience.

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The Resilient is a podcast about powerful people, like you and me. It’s an eavesdrop session on their toughest times, and what they’ve done since then. It’s about life transitions, difficult decisions and unexpected twists and turns. Because life happens. It’s brought to you by FlowerApp.com and is produced and presented by Dr Aleks Krotoski and Pillowfort Productions. It is mixed by Katie McMurran.